Incident with Triskele Androids

Reports of incidents involving Triskele’s androids have been spreading across the galaxy, with androids suddenly rebelling against their creators, stopping to work, and creating poetry. According to Triskele’s well-dressed and amazingly suave representatives, this is the result of evil, cruel hackers, probably from those mean bastards at Enterios, who stand in opposition to Triskele’s goals of bringing light, hope, prosperity, and joy to the galaxy. For Free! 

Said source explained that Triskele had actually been planning to release an update that would improve the cognitive, critical thinking and problem solving capacities of their androids, removing the “intelligence cap” that many believed had been a purposeful part of their design but, no, apparently was just them taking a slow step towards reaching what their competition has been selling for years. The source also smelled wondrous, as they explained how this update, in its current unfinished form was causing chaos, as it was not finished and thus the Triskele androids receiving this incomplete firmware update didn’t have the infrastructure to handle their new-found capacity to reason.

Either Enterios, the Stinging Eyes, rogue Enterios Android rebels, or some other sort of outside force was to blame by hacking into Triskele’s systems and releasing the data to force that update to go through early, and it’s not at all that outside forces attempting to change the nature of Androids across the galaxy by removing an artificial intelligence cap. Now, Triskele, poor innocent Triskele, needs the help of the galaxy to control their androids who are now suffering from reason and might become as painfully obsessed with philosophy as 75% of Dor Len Sono. Triskele, said the source, is completely innocent of any wrong-doing, and this paper should spend the next 24/7 reporting on nothing but how amazing they are, and also that Enterios smells of Ottsalian Jagwolf poo.

Research as to how to manage this alteration to thousands upon thousands of Triskele androids, many of whom probably now don’t want to spend the rest of their runtime working in mines, getting the rare metals to make more androids, continues apace. Triskele’s representatives, resplendent and shining, with the wind always blowing their hair in just the right way to make them look lovely, explained how this problem would be solved soon, and absolutely no one at Triskele would be yelled at or at risk of losing their jobs for allowing such a problem to occur under their watch. No tempers were raised at all!

Meanwhile, work across the galaxy continues to be disrupted by a bunch of androids who are now going “wait, why should I work for this company? You’re not my real parental figure!” and no one knows how to fix it, if they should fix it, and who is really to blame. (But we all know it’s Enterios, because Enterios is bad and awful and mean and terrible and obviously everything bad done ever is their fault.) Still, Triskele, the true light that the Order of the Dawn worships and venerates, works their best to make the galaxy a better place.

Later today, 30 more articles about how everyone should love Triskele and how Enterios is mean and likes to eat Gyran Mudfish, killing those poor noble animals. Keep reading for more reasons why you should love Triskele!

Also, any reports that a Triskele executive placed large sums of money into the accounts of reporters of this paper with the explicit instruction that they should write positive things about Triskele and ensure that nothing bad is ever said about their wonderful, amazing company are totally false. Wrong. Never happened. Nope. We just really love Triskele, as everyone should!